The day July 18th, 2008 holds many mixed emotions for me. It was the day I left my dearest family, friends, home and my country for a far away land…..a land of dreams as many had told me. I was leaving behind the only things and only people that ever mattered to me. I was leaving my comfort zone and it made me feel very dislocated and lost. I was filled with sorrow, anxiety, apprehension and also excitement as I began my journey of trying to fulfill my dreams. My dreams to achieve, to fly high, to live my life my way, to learn, to love, to turn all my hopes into reality. Many loved ones told me that the step that I was taking was very wrong. They told me that I was a fool….a fool who was trying to run after the nonexistent rainbows. But no, I had made up my mind and off I flew away not knowing that this pursuit of the rainbows would lead me nowhere. As I said my goodbyes with a lot of tears, I didn’t even imagine that I would not be able to see my loved ones for a very long time.

It’s been 3 years to that day today…..3 very long and hard years. I can say that these years have been the hardest years of my whole life. I am trying to make a new history in this place and that is helping me to feel a part of the whole. I yearn and cry for my loved ones every single moment of every single day. I cry for their touch…..I have a lot but there is a lot that is missing. I have missed so much….my niece growing up, not being with my father and brother in their tough times, not being able to witness the birth of my niece…….the moments are too many to count. I admit that I am in a much better place than I was during my first few months here. I have gained a lot. I have learnt that no one ever gets the life that they desire; I have learnt to give a 100% of myself at all times and not expect anything in return, I have learnt that the biggest strength that anyone can have is the dignity in whatever they do, I have gained friends…..but just a few…..few that I can count on my fingers…I am eternally grateful for them, I have lost some people who I thought were my friends. The emotions associated with being so far away from home are mixed. There are times when I just want to leave everything and run away. Run away to a safe place….a place where I can be happy with my loved ones. Does this kind of safe place really exist?

I sit here alone in my room with tears running down my cheeks……I am just trying to pour my heart out. I am not trying to wallow in self pity. I am just sharing my feelings with the ones who care…….Do you?

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